ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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