She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
