the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
