getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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