are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Pants 0. Shit 1.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
