Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize