Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
