the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
