my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
