Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
