i already hear my dad disowning me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
