in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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