forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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