apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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