it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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