mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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