he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
