There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
