Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Im part way to drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
