Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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