how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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