how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
