well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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