dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
