What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize