Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
