We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
