Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
