wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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