She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize