see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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