If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My ass is underappreciated
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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