I'm jealous of your bromance
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i think im in europe. pls send help
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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