The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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