clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
