oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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