I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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