i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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