3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was like eating out sand paper
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
