Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
