no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
