I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
did i just pee glitter
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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