That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
