Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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