It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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