he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
