I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
