How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
