At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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