i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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