sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
