Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
