Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
