if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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