If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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