it's too hot outside to masturbate.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
