Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I puked a lego.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
