There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
