I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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