did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
