Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
