don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
