I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
