none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
