Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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