I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
