just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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