yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
