put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she told me i tasted like america
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
