You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
